In time, I dulled my shine so much that I didn’t know what it meant to shine at all.
Most recently I’ve had some discussion exchanges and just this morning listened to a portion of the Jocko Podcast on this topic of bragging and advocating for ourselves.
In the podcast a letter submitted by a fan is read outloud and the hosts get into it. It was a very interesting perspective and the topic alone I find it a fun one to discuss.
When someone talks highly about themselves, their “wins” per say, what their doing, the skills they’ve developed, should we consider it bragging or someone who is advocating for themselves?
I really liked how in the podcast the key points that were focused: was on how we can look at our accomplishments in a certain area (for example: JiuJitsu, playing guitar, cooking, etc.) as, “I excel in that particular area.” But when we toss words around like, “I am superior…” Then that actually could come across as bragging or someone who is not very humble at all, perhaps even insecure, despite they are also usually the one trying to prove to others how secure they are.
It was also added that those that excel in particular areas are also the ones who very rarely need to announce it to others they just are…most of the time at least. Towards the end of the clip I watched, the hosts wanted to make it a point, also to mention that in life we don’t need to be better then anyone, because each of our lives cannot be compared from the next person. So those that say they are better then others, clearly have something more they are dealing with and will automatically to most people, be a turn off, and dis-liked. According to what was shared in the podcast episode clip.
Here is my perspective.
As I continued to listen to the entire clip, I agreed with a lot of what they were saying. My hope was that they would also go into what it means (to them) to be confident and to be okay talking about yourself more. To in my own words, “celebrate you.”
I find that it is important to distinguish when someone is bragging versus when someone feels proud, confident, maybe even joyful about their accomplishments and to give themselves the permission to share it.
I recently spoke to a group about the importance of avocating for ourselves and how this takes confidence and self-love. I shared that specifically growing up with the lens of an AAPI American born person I have had to work on talking more about myself.
The more I’ve worked on making this change or shift in myself, the more I’ve seen how beneficial it could be for others to hear this perspective and possibly do this for themselves too.
How many of us hesistate to share about our accomplishments? Better yet, how many of us continue to shy away from sharing with others our process or processes as we pursue something great?
Why are some of us so timid and quiet to share?
I believe it starts when we’re young and like any learned behavior it depends a whole lot on whether or not as you learn to share about yourself or don’t; what is the response for like?
If you grew up in a household and/or environments where nothing you ever did was enough, then you probably won’t feel safe to talk about yourself, your wins primarly, but definitely not your losses or areas of struggle; even where you are at in the process of something.
Or maybe you were more like me, where the family and the people you surrouned yourself with were kind, loving, and even supportive but they always in either direct or in-direct ways to keep it quiet, no need to rattle feathers or cages, that’s great but how about leaving some space for others to share too. I was taught being humble was like a badge of honor, which I don’t disagree with, but at what price?
Being humble can be very beneficial in some circumstances but when you choose being humble while at the same time choose to diminish your gifts, talents, qualities, and accomplishments that is a dangerous and slippery slope to walk on!
This was me.
I always looked out for the best interest of others. Supporting THEIR needs, THEIR wants, THEIR goals, that I failed to look at my own as something to value too. And in time, this became a part of my everyday modus operandi. Modus operandi is a Latin phrase that means “mode of operating” or a person's usual way of doing something.
In time, I dulled my shine so much that I didn’t know what it meant to shine at all.
Here’s the thing though. I simply was never exposed to the idea that you could encourage, praise others, and at the same time do the exact same thing for yourself too. You can see the greatness in you and want to share it with others and you can do it without bragging, but instead celebrate you!
As I end up in more spaces of leadership, either surrounded by those I consider peers or mentors; or being a leader for others I now realize the importance of this. There is a really nice quote I read the other day, “You don’t have to be boastful to be confident. You don’t have to stop being humble to acknowledge your value, YOU DO have to give yourself permission TO BE SEEN.”
Therefore if you are someone struggling to speak up and about yourself but you don’t want to brag, I encourage you to keep at it, keep practicing talking more about yourself, but be honest, truthful, and authentic as you do.
Because as someone once shared with me, “If you remain quiet, we may never know who you are and what you bring.”
And that in itself is a shame to this world.