Guts Over Fear

The other day when I saw a friend, he told me that he checked out the recent podcast episode that I had sent him. He says, “It seemed like you were talking about the same stuff like before, right?” What he said ‘before’, I believe he means podcasts I’ve sent him in the past. Either that or he meant the speaking engagements he’s attended in person.

Now when he said this, a part of me was grateful and happy to have a friend that cared to take the time to support my work. On the other hand, a part of me felt, not angry, not even confused, but maybe a little upset. I’m not sure if that's the best word to describe the feeling I was feeling.

It felt as though, as much as I know he cares about me, and I him, his remark, made me want to think small about myself.

Like in that moment, there was a hesitation in my own belief system. It caught me so off guard and I wasn’t expecting that feedback, that for a few seconds, there was a part of me that thought, “Maybe he’s right, maybe I have been repeating myself too much. Maybe I don’t have anything new to talk about during these podcast interviews. And maybe, because I repeat myself, people are going to get bored of what I have to say.”

Then I stopped that inner voice.

I aleady knew that perhaps to some people, they may see it as I am repeating my story and what I have to say; but to me I don’t see it as such. I see it as opportunity. The opportunity to share who I am, because I like who I am, who I’ve become, and who I’m in the midst of becoming. The opportunity to share stories that I find interesting, even knowing, perhaps others may not. The opportunity to practice learning more about the subject or topic, by simply sharing. In addition, it fires me up to say that I get to be an expert in something, just because I’ve not only gone through that thing, but due to the fact that I keep discovering more about it.

And above all, by sharing my truth with others, as someone many years ago had shared with me, “You give others permission to share theirs.”

I have to believe the work that I’m doing, which many years ago, I wanted to do work that I could show up as I am, not pretending to be someone that I’m not, not having to wear a mask and try to fit in where I felt like I didn’t belong; instead create spaces where I didn’t have to ‘fit-in’ because there was no more needing to.

Of course, I didn’t tell my friend all this. I mean, I was in the middle of warming up before class, punching and kicking the heavy bag. Plus I know inside I didn’t have to tell him all this.

I did however share with him, “It’s like what Eminem says in some of his songs, something about I keep saying the same things over and over…”

The lyric actually goes…

Sometimes I feel like all I ever do is
Find different ways to word the same, old song
Ever since I came along
From the day the song called "Hi! My Name Is" dropped
Started thinking my name was fault
'Cause anytime things went wrong
I was the one who they would blame it on

Guts Over Fear by Eminem and Sia

Like him or don’t like him or his music, you can’t deny how Eminem expresses himself through his lyrics in his songs. His choice of words and wordplay, resonanate with some people and there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that.

Perhaps, I didn’t even have to say that to my friend. Honestly, I know I said this, because I got a little defensive after what he said…I’m working on that, trying not to take things so personally and defensive.

After this interaction, it made me think about this a little more.

Why did I get upset by my friend’s comment? Why did I feel a certain way?

A few days later, as I was reading BIG ASIAN ENERGY by John Wang in Chapter 7 Communicating Assertiveness; on page 203 on the topic of How to Promote Yourself John mentions,”Many of us are from a background that taught us it’s one thing to be aware we’re good at something, and another to talk about it in an act of self-promotion. Self-promotion can then feel icky.”

As I read this chapter and this section, I reflected on how this reminded me of me. For many years, I had a hard time thinking highly of myself and seeing the value that I brought. It wasn’t exactly that I wouldn’t have, it was more so, because I didn’t grow up in environments where it was taught to talk about yourself; and for sure seeing it as something positive and not always negative.

As continued to read further, John states: “If your intention isn’t to shame others, sharing what you’re good at isn’t arrogant, boastful, or “too much”-it’s exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. Otherwise, how will people know how to come to you for help?”

“Remember: our accomplishments often aren’t able to speak for themselves, and they won’t help us claim the credit we deserve if no one notices them.”

It wasn’t until much later in my life, when I saw examples of talking about yourself, and thinking of yourself highly as a way to practice self-value, self-love, and in fact, self-care.

I worked so hard at seeing the greatness inside, that I have a hard time when anything tries to penetrate this way of thinking. For so many of us, we’ve never been shown what it’s like to notice how incredible we already are when we simply accept it as a non-negotiable.

In fact, for many, it’s quite the opposite, not only do we grow up in spaces and places where it’s not practiced; instead we’re taught that we suck, that we are a horrible person, that we are broken, and in some cases, that we are not enough.

I grew up in a very loving family and household, with incredibly supportive parents and siblings. However, when it came to thinking about ourselves and the practice of loving ourselves, and seeing incredible greatness for our being, it was unheard of…at least we never spoke about this outloud. I’m sure they meant well for us, but because I didn’t know the importance of it, I never practiced it, and because I didn’t practice, I developed the unconscious thinking that I didn’t believe in myself.

It would be not until later in my life, in my mid 30’s that I was even aware and introduced the importance and practice of recognizing my self-worth. It began with boxing, followed by a new awareness and perspectives with marital arts, to now my work, as a speaker, facilitator, and coach.

I practice belief in myself daily, because I know how far I’ve had to come. At some point I recognized, if you don’t take care of yourself, protect yourself, love and practice seeing your value and what you bring…the world will find ways to want to “dim your shine.”

I’m not saying that my friend did this on purpose or deliberately. I don’t think he knew how his words would have certain ramifications. I know he means well. How would he know about the work that I do constantlly and as consistent as I can.

Even so, I’m not going to hesitate sharing about the things that I feel bring value to others. Even if I do repeat myself…over and over. If I know the impact it can have on others as well as it does in me expressing it, I’m going to keep on saying it, and perhaps just find different ways to word the same old song.

My hope is that you will too. Keep shining your light!