There’s something I’ve been thinking about most recently and I couldn’t quite wrap my head around how to articulate it. Then the other day I saw an interview with the Minnesota Vikings American Football rookie Charles “Chuck” Demmings.
At some point the interviewer asks Chuck, “Are you a better freestyler or a better football player?” In which Chuck replies and I’ll just paraphrase to keep it shorter, “I wouldn’t say I’m a better freestyler or a better football player I go out there and be the best version of me…every breath I get man.”
He continues, “That moment has all of me.”
It got me thinking, well I was already thinking about this, but who are we beyond the titles, roles, and what we do? When I heard Chuck say what he said it brought a different perspective to me.
Seeing how Chuck breaks down whether freestyling, playing football, or sitting down having a conversation, there’s something very ‘grounding’ about simply stating, “I am the best version of me.”
Then this morning as I was reading a section out of Greg Harden’s Stay Sane in an Insane World - How to Control the Cotrollables and Thrive in Chapter 13 Your Sport is What You Do Not Who You Are; Greg shares when he first began working with Olympian swimmer Samantha Arsenault.
Samantha had built her entire life and identity since she was young as a swimmer, but when she entered college she was injured, questioning her next moves, and facing an identiy crisis of sorts.
This is when Greg dropped some nuggets…of GOLD to her:
“But when you really think about it, no matter what it is that you do, I hope you start to realize that there has to be more to you than just this one dimension. Your sense of self-worth, your self-esteem-it can’t be based soley on these external forces in your life.”
“Because what happens if those things go away? Being a hero, being popular, thousands of people screaming your name—do you think that can last forever? For anyone? Your body grows old. Your beauty fades. And all the things you may think you need to be happy—fame, money, power, influence—they are all so fleeting.”
“Ultimately, you can’t let your self-worth be determined by the trappings of this world, because those will ultimately fail you. You have to learn to construct in yourself a person who is invested in self-love and self-acceptance. You can decide—win, lose, or draw—that you’re going to enjoy your life and love yourself, flaws an all.”
I don’t normally share such long quotes from others in my blog, but I didn’t want to take away from what I read.
For awhile now I’ve been struggling with this. As I have worked on building what I’ve wanted to for quite sometime, at least the past 7 years or so, and actually now seeing it come to fruition, which in turn has helped me believe in myself even more…I’ve also begun to struggle with my identity in general.
It’s difficult for me not to introduce myself (proudly) as Pete K. Wong, psychological safety facilitator or professional speaker, coach, or even actor sometimes.
But is there anything wrong with that? Have I gone so far that what I do and who I am have merged so closely that I don’t know where the divide needs to happen…or if it does?
Maybe it’s getting older too, but sometimes it feels like life doesn’t slow down like it used to. Before I pursued anything…back then it was acting, film, martial arts…though I am still doing those things too. Now it’s buidling my business and loving what I do with that. I never used to think like how I do now. The things that I like doing or now engrained in who I am.
Every day, day in and day out like many of us, I’m working hard to make a living, feed my passion and possibly even purpose. To do something that aligns with me, work related or personally related, and what does it all mean? So many of us are busting our tails to create the life we want and as I’d like to say deserve, but where does the line between who we are and what we do exist? If it all can be taken away and in some cases, in an instant, then what?
As someone who has chosen to show up as a leader, as an influencer, someone who creates impact to their community or communities, it’s easy to fall into these external traps. When I say traps, I don’t mean these are necessary bad places to be, I mean it’s kind of what you asked for, isn’t it? The fruits of your labor. I mean when you work at something, you want to excel at, and when the dreams and goals actually become partial realities who doesn’t want to reap in these rewards.
As Greg Harden said “trappings of the world.” I believe he means getting caught up or trapped by the external world.
And that’s precisely it. I guess what I’m to take away from both these men’s messages is no matter how others see you, no matter how influenced you get or are by what you are doing, don’t forget, never forget, no matter what changes happen, what matters the most is who you are inside.
And as part of that inside, is to do the inner work of self-love, self-assurance, and self-confidence so no matter what happens in your favor or not in your favor, you can be stead fast knowing who you are is not about what you do.
Here’s a link to the entire interview with Charles ‘Chuck’ Demmings: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_T1WVQTQh-I